Home / Share / Halloween Jokes

Halloween Jokes

Q: What’s a monster’s favorite play?
A: Romeo and Ghouliet!
Q: What’s a haunted chicken?
A: A poultry-geist!
Q: What do witches put on their hair?
A: Scare spray!
Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin pi!
Q: Why wasn’t there any food left after the monster party?
A: Because everyone was a goblin!
Q: What is a mummy’s favorite type of music?
A: Rap music.
Q: Why didn’t the mummy have any friends?
A: Because he was wrapped up in himself!
Q: What road has the most ghosts haunting it?
A: A dead end!
Q: Why is there a gate around cemeteries?
A: Because people are dying to get in!
Q: What do ghosts eat on Halloween?
A: Ghoulash!
Q: Where do movie stars go on Halloween?
A: MaliBOO!
Q: What does a bird say at Halloween?
A: “Twick or tweet.”
Q: Where do ghosts go when they’re sick?
A: To the witch doctor!
Q: What position does a ghost play in soccer?
A: Ghoulie!
Q: What monster plays tricks on Halloween?
A: Prank-enstein!
Q: What room is useless for a ghost?
A: A living room!
Q: Why don’t bats live alone?
A: They like to hang out with their friends!
Q: What animal is good at cricket?
A: A bat!
Q: What do little monsters eat?
A: Alpha-bat soup!
Q: What do ghosts use to clean their hair?
A: Sham-boo!
Q: Where do baby ghosts go when their mom goes to work?
A: A scare center!
Q: What key opens a Haunted House?
A: A spooKEY!
Q: Why didn’t Dracula have any friends?
A: He was a pain in the neck!
Q: Who did Dracula bring to the prom?
A: His ghoul friend.
Q: What does a panda ghost eat?
A: Bam-BOO!
Q: What breed of dog does Dracula have?
A: A bloodhound!
Q: What’s big, scary, and has three wheels?
A: A monster riding a tricycle!
Q: Which witch is good when it’s dark?
A: A lights-witch!
Q: What’s the best way to talk to a monster?
A: From afar!
Q: What kind of mail does a superstar vampire get?
A: Fang mail.
Q: What does a ghost call his mom and dad?
A: His transparents.
Q: What do you call a skeleton that lies on its grave?
A: Lazy bones!
Q: What did the mummy ghost say to the noisy young ghost who kept interrupting?
A: “Spook when you’re spooken to.”
Q: What do you do with a green monster?
A: Wait until he’s ripe!
Q: What do witches ask for at hotels?
A: Broom service!
Q: What animal is best at baseball?
A: A bat!
Q: Which circus performers can see in the dark?
A: The acro-bats!
Q: Where should a 500 pound monster go?
A: On a diet!
Q: Why didn’t the zombie go to school?
A: He felt rotten!
Q: Why did the cyclops stop teaching?
A: Because he only had one pupil!
Q: Why is a cemetery a great place to write a story?
A: Because there are so many plots there!
Q: What did Dracula say about his girlfriend?
A: It was love at first bite!
Q: Why did the vampire flunk art class?
A: Because he could only draw blood!
Q: What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
A: A blood test!
Q: What is Dracula’s favorite fruit?
A: A nectarine.
Q: What pants do ghosts wear?
A: BOO jeans.
Q: What did the skeleton order with his drink?
A: A mop.
Q: Why did the mummy get a headache?
A: Because he was GOBLIN his candy!
Q: Where did the ghost go on vacation?
A: The BOO-hamas!
Q: What is the problem with two twin witches?
A: You never know which witch is which!
Q: What do you call a witch who likes the beach but is scared of the water?
A: A chicken sand witch.
Q: What did the pumpkin need for its boo boo?
A: A pumpkin patch.
Q: Why is it hard for a ghost to tell a lie?
A: Because you can see right through him.
Q: Who won the zombie war?
A: Nobody, it was dead even.
Q: What do sea monsters eat for lunch?
A: Fish and ships!
Q: What did the skeleton order for dinner?
A: Spare ribs!
Q: What’s a monster’s favorite place to swim?
A: Lake Eerie!
Q: How do you make a skeleton laugh?
A: Tickle her funny bone!
Q: Why couldn’t the skeleton cross the road?
A: Because he didn’t have the guts.
Q: What kind of TV do you find inside a haunted house?
A: A wide scream TV.
Q: What school subject is a witch good at?
A: Spelling.
Q: What did the ghost teacher say to her class?
A: “Watch the board and I’ll go through it again.”
Q: Why did Dracula go to the library?
A: He wanted a good book to sink his teeth into!
Q: What do ghosts serve for dessert?
A: I scream.
Q: How do you make a witch itch?
A: Take away her W.
Q: Why did the skeleton go scuba diving?
A: Because he wanted to get some muscles!
Q: Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
A: Dayscare!
Q: Where does Dracula keep his money?
A: In a blood bank!
Q: What do witches put on their bagels?
A: Scream cheese!
Q: Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel Prize?
A: Because he was out standing in his field!
Q: Why didn’t the skeleton want to go to the dance?
A: Because he had no body to go with.
Q: What did the jack-o’-lantern say to the other jack-o’-lantern when they were on their way to a Halloween party?
A: “Let’s get glowing.”
Q: What monster wears the most clothes?
A: A werewolf!
Q: What do skeletons say before they start to eat?
A: Bone appetite.
Q: Why do witches fly on brooms?
A: Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy!
Q: What do you call witches who live together?
A: Broom-mates!
Q: Why are graveyards noisy?
A: Because of all the coffin!
Q: What is a scarecrow’s favorite fruit?
A: Straw-berries!
Related Post:   Why I Love Halloween -- Now More Than Ever

Check Also

Choosing a Sexy Halloween Disguise

Choosing a Sexy Halloween Disguise

Naughty Pirates Long known as the “bad boys” of the sea, pirate Halloween costumes can ...